Freedom

At some point in our lives, we all have to let go of someone who is detrimental to our well-being - be it physically, emotionally, or mentally. Every person that comes into our lives isn’t meant to stay there. You know the saying - “Reason, season, or lifetime.” And we have to know when somebody has served their purpose. When their season is up, it’s time for them to go. Nothing good will come of you keeping them around just because you want them there. When a person is tired of being in your life, or when they have shown you that they don’t want you in theirs, guess what? It’s time to let go!! It may be difficult, especially if that person has started to mean something to you. But that’s when you say, “I care about myself more than I care about you. And I refuse to let you hurt me anymore.” And you have to keep your word. Stand your ground. Sometimes people will trick you into thinking they want you around. After you kick them out, they’re going to turn around and look back a few times. But don’t be fooled. They’re looking back to see what you’re going to do. Are you going to be weak, and let them back in that easily? Or are you going to stand strong against the tears and the hugs and the “I promise I won’t hurt you anymore” cries?

If they’re truly sorry, they’ll prove it to you. They’ll change and God will let you know if it’s right for you to allow that person back into your life. But if you know that person is all talk, then just let them walk away. It hurts to say goodbye to people you care about, but sometimes, it must be done. We have got to stop holding on to these hurtful people just because we can’t stand to see them walk away. What are you holding on for? The little glimmers of what that person used to be like? The rare times where they’re actually nice to you? Come on. Man up. Have some dignity and respect for yourself. Stop making yourself look so weak and stupid. I said it because that’s exactly how that person views you. Doesn’t that make you feel like shit? Do you enjoy feeling that way? Then why put up with it!! Just let go, and enjoy life. It might hurt for a while. But don’t fall back into the trap. You deserve your freedom and the chance to let somebody else in who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated - like a queen or king. Love yourself…. love yourself… love YOURSELF… more than anybody else. And you will always find happiness.

Once a Good Girl's Gone Bad...

"She's gone forever." Hmm... is that true?

Nobody is the same after they learn something new. Once you do something a few times and you realize it's not working for you, you're supposed to change what you're doing. You can't expect a different destination if you keep taking the same route every time, right?

So sometimes, the good girls don't always go bad. They just grow up. Or "we" grow up, I should say. We realize that every man doesn't deserve our best. We realize that men will take advantage of us and mistake our kindness for weakness. So we stop. We stop being so kind. We stop doing the nice things we used to do because we have learned that it gets you nowhere. It's too hard to figure out where to draw the line, who's sincere and who isn't. To save ourselves, we assume that NOBODY is sincere. When you hear a female say "Every guy is the same," that's a cry for help. It's a struggle with bitterness and pain. It doesn't always mean she dates the same type of guys. It could mean she dates different guys THE SAME WAY and ends up with the same results. It takes time to realize this tho. And not all females will draw this conclusion.

This is when you get the "good girls gone bad." They say "forget it, since nobody likes me the way I am, I'll just stop being this way." They see the guys who like hoes and hoodrats and hoochies, so that's what they become, because it's easier & quicker to do a complete 180 than to work on yourself over time - even tho that would produce better results.

But is she really gone forever? Can you get the good girl back? I really can't answer that question. It depends on how long she's been gone, and how good her life has been since she changed. Chances are if she's getting the results she wanted, there's no turning back. We can't always blame men for this. Yes, many of them are dogs, but there comes a point in time when you take a look in the mirror and say "What am I doing to attract these guys who treat me so badly?" And you must figure it out. Just work on fixing that one thing and it could change your life.

I say this to encourage and inspire all my beautiful, bitter Black sisters out there. Don't let the heartbreak turn you into someone you're not meant to be. Let it make you better, wiser, and less susceptible to the foolishness these guys will try to pull. Use discretion. Like with caution. Protect your heart. Above all else, BE YOU! Don't turn into that girl with the soulless eyes and hardened heart. Learn to give your love away to the ones who PROVE they deserve it. Don't give it and expect that to make a man change. That ain't gonna happen. Nobody appreciates something they didn't earn.

Just Thinking...

Why do we do things that we KNOW are stupid, and then act shocked by the consequences? And then have the nerve to ask God to fix the mess that he TOLD us not to put ourselves in, in the first place. SMH. Humans, I tell you. I know God gets a kick out of us silly beings...

Lessons Learned

I was always the girl who had a boyfriend or kept cuties on deck. Not because I felt like I needed a boyfriend... I just always happened to have one or something similar to that, lol. And I enjoyed it. But after a while it got old... I figured maybe I was ready to settle down for real, so I tried that too. And I learned a lot from being in 2 steady relationships. But being single is the best learning experience I've ever had. This is the longest I've ever been single and it's only been about a year and two months now, but I've learned soooo much! It absolutely amazes me. And I'm proud to say that I'm not the same person I was a year ago, 6 months ago, 3 months ago, or two weeks ago. I feel like I learn something new every single day, and I love it.

At first, I hated being single. I was so USED to having a boyfriend that it was weird for me not to have someone to talk to, or someone to call and say "hey, wanna come chill?" I had to learn how to be there for myself. Kind of like when a baby has to learn to fall asleep on his own. He may fuss, but you can't just run in and comfort him - he has to figure out how to comfort himself. I thought the single life would make me realize that being in a relationship was better for me, but it's the exact opposite. It has made me realize how much I actually want to STAY single.

Reason #1: Men, men, men. Robert Graves once said, "The supply of good women far exceeds the men who deserve them." And I really think that's true! It's ridiculous out here. Nobody is perfect, of course. But come ooooon... some of these men out here are just a mess. And I'm not settling for anything less than what I think I deserve. I'm a 22 year old woman with a baby. What I look like running around here with a man that's not talking about anything? I'm in the market for a HUSBAND. I'm done with the 3 month relationships. Not saying I want to get married right away, because I really don't even think I will get married, but if I do decide to get into another relationship... he's gonna have to be something special. I just haven't met the right one. Maybe I will, maybe I won't, but nobody knows.

Reason #2: My friends. Oh boy. The way some of these women act about their boyfriends is just out of control. They let these men walk all over them because they're scared to speak up. Every time he does something wrong, they feel they just have to let it go. Put up and shut up. ....Nah. That's called being a pushover. You've been in a relationship for 7 years and he's still doing the same bad things he was doing when you first got together? That's a problem for me. Then you have the ones that can't go anywhere without their boyfriends. All they can do is lay up under him all day. I have a friend that I've known for almost 15 years. She started dating a guy 2 years ago and I've barely spoken to her since. She was like my sister, and that situation really makes me sad. I don't want to become that girl. I want my own identity. And I don't wanna be the girl that sits back and puts up with your crap, either. In fact, I'm NOT that girl. You do something that bothers me, I'm gonna call you on it. From day ONE. I'll try to be nice. In fact, I might even give you a second chance to see if you do it again. I'm not expecting my man to be perfect. But there are some things that I just can't deal with. And EVERYBODY feels that way, so don't look at me like I'm crazy. If you just put up with any and everything, then that's something YOU need to work on.

Reason #3: My son. I'm a single mother. I have more than enough problems in my life and if you're just going to be an added stress, I don't need you. That goes for everybody. I'm past the "play" stage. This is real life... time to wake up and start being serious. I'm not interested in the little boys anymore.

Reason #4: MYSELF. I demand respect. I demand to be treated like a lady. And in return, I'm gonna treat you the way you need and want to be treated. If that means dinner on the table, cool. I got that. If it means a back rub when you've had a long day, I'm down. I know how to treat a man, okay? Lol. But seriously, I do. And until I find a man that knows how to treat me, I'm staying single!

While I do hope that man is out there, I'm not holding my breath. I'm just living and learning, and loving every minute of it. So to all my ladies who are getting discouraged, don't worry! Don't you want to be ready when God brings that special man into your life? Let him work on you! And let him work on that man too. You don't want him half ready. You want him at his best. Of course it gets hard. We're women. We want to be held at night, we want someone to listen to our problems and to care enough to offer a solution. But that's not all there is to life. There comes a point when we have to learn to do for ourselves. Doesn't it feel good to know that you don't NEED a man? I pity the girls who have to call on their boyfriend to ask what kind of pills to take for a headache. Come on now. What about when he's not around... then what? Co-dependent much? Just be happy with you. Learn to love and appreciate yourself - after all, how can you expect someone else to do it when YOU don't?

Too Good of A Friend

Ask any of my friends about me and they'll tell you I'm a great listener. I'm not saying that to brag, it's just the truth. I can be on the phone with someone for hours and not say more than "really? cool. oh, okay." Soooo naturally when my friends want to vent, they call me. And I'm ALWAYS there. Every single time, no questions asked. I've never told anyone I don't feel like hearing their whining or complaining, even though I feel that way sometimes. I just listen. If I have advice to offer, then I'll do that, but most of the time I don't have to. What can I say, I'm friendly! I love to talk to & be there for people. So... where am I going with this?

In the past few weeks, only ONE person has asked me what's new in my life. And that was yesterday. And I think it's really sad that out of all the times I've stayed on the phone with people for HOURS (or online, or even hung out with them in person just to hear them complain), like i don't have anything better to do, nobody thinks to ask me how I'M doing at the end of the conversation. This is why I keep my feelings to myself. Because I truly feel that nobody really cares. And I'm not sad or bitter about it, that's just how I feel. *shrugs*

I enjoy helping my friends when I can. And I like that whenever my friends need to talk, I'm the first one they run to. But it would be nice if someone would return the favor every once in a while.

Now let's see how many ppl suddenly care after reading this...