Freedom

At some point in our lives, we all have to let go of someone who is detrimental to our well-being - be it physically, emotionally, or mentally. Every person that comes into our lives isn’t meant to stay there. You know the saying - “Reason, season, or lifetime.” And we have to know when somebody has served their purpose. When their season is up, it’s time for them to go. Nothing good will come of you keeping them around just because you want them there. When a person is tired of being in your life, or when they have shown you that they don’t want you in theirs, guess what? It’s time to let go!! It may be difficult, especially if that person has started to mean something to you. But that’s when you say, “I care about myself more than I care about you. And I refuse to let you hurt me anymore.” And you have to keep your word. Stand your ground. Sometimes people will trick you into thinking they want you around. After you kick them out, they’re going to turn around and look back a few times. But don’t be fooled. They’re looking back to see what you’re going to do. Are you going to be weak, and let them back in that easily? Or are you going to stand strong against the tears and the hugs and the “I promise I won’t hurt you anymore” cries?

If they’re truly sorry, they’ll prove it to you. They’ll change and God will let you know if it’s right for you to allow that person back into your life. But if you know that person is all talk, then just let them walk away. It hurts to say goodbye to people you care about, but sometimes, it must be done. We have got to stop holding on to these hurtful people just because we can’t stand to see them walk away. What are you holding on for? The little glimmers of what that person used to be like? The rare times where they’re actually nice to you? Come on. Man up. Have some dignity and respect for yourself. Stop making yourself look so weak and stupid. I said it because that’s exactly how that person views you. Doesn’t that make you feel like shit? Do you enjoy feeling that way? Then why put up with it!! Just let go, and enjoy life. It might hurt for a while. But don’t fall back into the trap. You deserve your freedom and the chance to let somebody else in who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated - like a queen or king. Love yourself…. love yourself… love YOURSELF… more than anybody else. And you will always find happiness.

Once a Good Girl's Gone Bad...

"She's gone forever." Hmm... is that true?

Nobody is the same after they learn something new. Once you do something a few times and you realize it's not working for you, you're supposed to change what you're doing. You can't expect a different destination if you keep taking the same route every time, right?

So sometimes, the good girls don't always go bad. They just grow up. Or "we" grow up, I should say. We realize that every man doesn't deserve our best. We realize that men will take advantage of us and mistake our kindness for weakness. So we stop. We stop being so kind. We stop doing the nice things we used to do because we have learned that it gets you nowhere. It's too hard to figure out where to draw the line, who's sincere and who isn't. To save ourselves, we assume that NOBODY is sincere. When you hear a female say "Every guy is the same," that's a cry for help. It's a struggle with bitterness and pain. It doesn't always mean she dates the same type of guys. It could mean she dates different guys THE SAME WAY and ends up with the same results. It takes time to realize this tho. And not all females will draw this conclusion.

This is when you get the "good girls gone bad." They say "forget it, since nobody likes me the way I am, I'll just stop being this way." They see the guys who like hoes and hoodrats and hoochies, so that's what they become, because it's easier & quicker to do a complete 180 than to work on yourself over time - even tho that would produce better results.

But is she really gone forever? Can you get the good girl back? I really can't answer that question. It depends on how long she's been gone, and how good her life has been since she changed. Chances are if she's getting the results she wanted, there's no turning back. We can't always blame men for this. Yes, many of them are dogs, but there comes a point in time when you take a look in the mirror and say "What am I doing to attract these guys who treat me so badly?" And you must figure it out. Just work on fixing that one thing and it could change your life.

I say this to encourage and inspire all my beautiful, bitter Black sisters out there. Don't let the heartbreak turn you into someone you're not meant to be. Let it make you better, wiser, and less susceptible to the foolishness these guys will try to pull. Use discretion. Like with caution. Protect your heart. Above all else, BE YOU! Don't turn into that girl with the soulless eyes and hardened heart. Learn to give your love away to the ones who PROVE they deserve it. Don't give it and expect that to make a man change. That ain't gonna happen. Nobody appreciates something they didn't earn.

Just Thinking...

Why do we do things that we KNOW are stupid, and then act shocked by the consequences? And then have the nerve to ask God to fix the mess that he TOLD us not to put ourselves in, in the first place. SMH. Humans, I tell you. I know God gets a kick out of us silly beings...

Lessons Learned

I was always the girl who had a boyfriend or kept cuties on deck. Not because I felt like I needed a boyfriend... I just always happened to have one or something similar to that, lol. And I enjoyed it. But after a while it got old... I figured maybe I was ready to settle down for real, so I tried that too. And I learned a lot from being in 2 steady relationships. But being single is the best learning experience I've ever had. This is the longest I've ever been single and it's only been about a year and two months now, but I've learned soooo much! It absolutely amazes me. And I'm proud to say that I'm not the same person I was a year ago, 6 months ago, 3 months ago, or two weeks ago. I feel like I learn something new every single day, and I love it.

At first, I hated being single. I was so USED to having a boyfriend that it was weird for me not to have someone to talk to, or someone to call and say "hey, wanna come chill?" I had to learn how to be there for myself. Kind of like when a baby has to learn to fall asleep on his own. He may fuss, but you can't just run in and comfort him - he has to figure out how to comfort himself. I thought the single life would make me realize that being in a relationship was better for me, but it's the exact opposite. It has made me realize how much I actually want to STAY single.

Reason #1: Men, men, men. Robert Graves once said, "The supply of good women far exceeds the men who deserve them." And I really think that's true! It's ridiculous out here. Nobody is perfect, of course. But come ooooon... some of these men out here are just a mess. And I'm not settling for anything less than what I think I deserve. I'm a 22 year old woman with a baby. What I look like running around here with a man that's not talking about anything? I'm in the market for a HUSBAND. I'm done with the 3 month relationships. Not saying I want to get married right away, because I really don't even think I will get married, but if I do decide to get into another relationship... he's gonna have to be something special. I just haven't met the right one. Maybe I will, maybe I won't, but nobody knows.

Reason #2: My friends. Oh boy. The way some of these women act about their boyfriends is just out of control. They let these men walk all over them because they're scared to speak up. Every time he does something wrong, they feel they just have to let it go. Put up and shut up. ....Nah. That's called being a pushover. You've been in a relationship for 7 years and he's still doing the same bad things he was doing when you first got together? That's a problem for me. Then you have the ones that can't go anywhere without their boyfriends. All they can do is lay up under him all day. I have a friend that I've known for almost 15 years. She started dating a guy 2 years ago and I've barely spoken to her since. She was like my sister, and that situation really makes me sad. I don't want to become that girl. I want my own identity. And I don't wanna be the girl that sits back and puts up with your crap, either. In fact, I'm NOT that girl. You do something that bothers me, I'm gonna call you on it. From day ONE. I'll try to be nice. In fact, I might even give you a second chance to see if you do it again. I'm not expecting my man to be perfect. But there are some things that I just can't deal with. And EVERYBODY feels that way, so don't look at me like I'm crazy. If you just put up with any and everything, then that's something YOU need to work on.

Reason #3: My son. I'm a single mother. I have more than enough problems in my life and if you're just going to be an added stress, I don't need you. That goes for everybody. I'm past the "play" stage. This is real life... time to wake up and start being serious. I'm not interested in the little boys anymore.

Reason #4: MYSELF. I demand respect. I demand to be treated like a lady. And in return, I'm gonna treat you the way you need and want to be treated. If that means dinner on the table, cool. I got that. If it means a back rub when you've had a long day, I'm down. I know how to treat a man, okay? Lol. But seriously, I do. And until I find a man that knows how to treat me, I'm staying single!

While I do hope that man is out there, I'm not holding my breath. I'm just living and learning, and loving every minute of it. So to all my ladies who are getting discouraged, don't worry! Don't you want to be ready when God brings that special man into your life? Let him work on you! And let him work on that man too. You don't want him half ready. You want him at his best. Of course it gets hard. We're women. We want to be held at night, we want someone to listen to our problems and to care enough to offer a solution. But that's not all there is to life. There comes a point when we have to learn to do for ourselves. Doesn't it feel good to know that you don't NEED a man? I pity the girls who have to call on their boyfriend to ask what kind of pills to take for a headache. Come on now. What about when he's not around... then what? Co-dependent much? Just be happy with you. Learn to love and appreciate yourself - after all, how can you expect someone else to do it when YOU don't?

Too Good of A Friend

Ask any of my friends about me and they'll tell you I'm a great listener. I'm not saying that to brag, it's just the truth. I can be on the phone with someone for hours and not say more than "really? cool. oh, okay." Soooo naturally when my friends want to vent, they call me. And I'm ALWAYS there. Every single time, no questions asked. I've never told anyone I don't feel like hearing their whining or complaining, even though I feel that way sometimes. I just listen. If I have advice to offer, then I'll do that, but most of the time I don't have to. What can I say, I'm friendly! I love to talk to & be there for people. So... where am I going with this?

In the past few weeks, only ONE person has asked me what's new in my life. And that was yesterday. And I think it's really sad that out of all the times I've stayed on the phone with people for HOURS (or online, or even hung out with them in person just to hear them complain), like i don't have anything better to do, nobody thinks to ask me how I'M doing at the end of the conversation. This is why I keep my feelings to myself. Because I truly feel that nobody really cares. And I'm not sad or bitter about it, that's just how I feel. *shrugs*

I enjoy helping my friends when I can. And I like that whenever my friends need to talk, I'm the first one they run to. But it would be nice if someone would return the favor every once in a while.

Now let's see how many ppl suddenly care after reading this...

Positivity

I have so much on my mind today. I feel like I need to write this... not just for yall, but for myself. I pretty much had a morning from hell, but I've bounced back! I've learned so much about staying positive, like how to do it and why it's ESSENTIAL. Your mindset determines your lifestyle. If you say "I'm having a bad day" just because you had a bad morning, then guess what? Your day will suck. But if you can say "My morning was bad, but the rest of my day won't be," then you can change your whole day. That's something I really love about myself... the fact that I can be positive and optimistic about almost any situation. But it's not just me. It's my faith in God. I have to believe that my situations will work out for the better. If not, I would be depressed. And after 7 months of postpartum depression, I refuse to let myself get that low again. I just can't do it. I can't mope about my situations or anyone else's. Staying positive is the only way I can survive out here.

But that goes for you too. Nobody's life is perfect, but how often do we really sit back and think about how blessed we are? We are constantly being tested. How often do we pass? How often do we let Satan get the victory as we scream and cry in defeat, and forget about who is really in control? Is there anything too hard for GOD? I don't think so.

If the source of our joy is an everlasting God, then how do we allow it to run out? It's not possible. No situation or person should be able to take our joy from us. That's why a positive mindset is so important. It's natural to have negative feelings, but once you pray, those negative feelings should be long gone. Nothing good comes of negative energy. Nothing good comes of negative energy. Sometimes the only way to get thru a situation is to remind yourself that everything will be okay. Too often we wait for something extraordinary to happen before we say, "I won't let anything ruin this day!!" Like getting a job, getting married, whatever. But why can't we feel that way every day?

Now I'm not saying we should just forget about the reality of our bad situations. But I am saying that it is possible to remain positive in the midst of a hurricane. I promise you that. People look at me and say I can stay positive because nothing bad has happened to me. I guess a complicated pregnancy, difficult delivery, postpartum depression, not having a job for nearly 2 years, going to school full time during my entire pregnancy and the rest of the time thereafter, being ostracized by my family, getting my heart broken, a horrible cancer scare and almost going to jail for a year isn't bad enough. And when I say my heart was BROKEN, you wouldn't believe the pain that caused me. Check out my old posts or ask me for a post from my old blog and maybe then you'll understand. And this is all within the past 1.5 years. No, there haven't been any recent deaths in my family. No, I haven't battled any major illnesses. But I would say I've been thru my share of hard times. This is exactly why positivity is so important to me. You can't let every single bad situation break you down. You can't faint. You have to get back up and you have to face the enemy! What if I had let every single one of those situations break me down? Where would I be right now? Yeah, it hurt. The pain will be there. We have to be survivors. Emotional pain hurts more than physical pain at times. But we can't let the pain in our hearts override God's position in our souls. We have to TRUST him. That's where positivity comes from - faith and trust in God. And that is so important... the bible tells us that "if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." WHAT?! And you want to sit there and believe that your situation is the end of the world? Nah... I don't think so. He said nothing will be impossible. NOTHING. But you know what else that means? If you truly, truly believe that you will fail, you will. So why put your faith in failure? Why take the easy way out? I don't know about you but my faith is in my success. I don't care how things look right now. God has shown me that things are not always what they seem. Life won't suck forever. Well, it will if you let it. But it's your life - take charge of it! Put a smile on your face and a prayer in your heart, and watch how your life changes.

One of Those DAYS!

I, Melanie H. Moore, am in one of my rare moods. I am having a horrendous day and I'm on the verge of tears. I am so frickin MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just found out I failed BOTH of my bio tests that I studied extremely hard for. So now I have to take the class over again. That's great... real great. A whole summer wasted. Now my fall semester is ruined, my graduation is delayed YET ANOTHER SEMESTER... dreams deferred... I'm so ready to be done with school. I want to drop out. I'm being real... I'm not saying it because I'm mad, that's really how I feel. Every semester something goes wrong. I don't think school is for me... I just can't handle it. I can't, I can't, I can't.

Okay, I shouldn't say that. I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me. But it's hard to stay motivated when you try your best and fall short every. single. time. This is stressing me out big time. My skin is breaking out, I can't sleep at night, I have mood swings, I get sick... it's too much for me! I was already stressed b/c I didn't have a job (finally got one, my first day @ Forever 21 is this Friday, thank you Jesus!). I guess I'll just have to suck it up and keep pushin. I'm not a quitter... never have been and never will be... something has to change, and I'ma figure out what it is. I can do this. I can, and I will. I may not graduate til 2015... BUT I WILL GRADUATE! That's a promise!

Let's switch gears...

So I thought I wanted a boyfriend, but I'm pretty sure I don't now. Tooooo stressful! I'ma just keep doin me... not worried about these dudes out here. I'ma stay single until I find someone who meets my standards. I'm not settling for anybody. Besides, I think being single is the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm getting to know myself so well! I fall more in love with me every day. I look around at a lot of my friends who are in relationships and they are soooo dependent on their boyfriends... I wonder if I was that way. I hope not. It truly makes me shake my head sometimes, the way these girls have to be up under their man every single second. How they have to call them for the slightest thing... how they can't do things unless their man says so. "Baby, I have a headache, what should I do?" Um, go to the cabinet and get some pills you co-dependent freak! What if your man isn't there? Then what? Anyways... that's a whole different blog. Even tho I like being single, I do get lonely sometimes. But that's when I pray, lol. It helps... it's a lot better than sitting there moping. Can't do that, I'm not bout to sit around and be depressed all day long. Sorry! I have become such an emotionally strong person. The downside to that is, I get frustrated when people cry over little stuff. Lmao. Like... sometimes my friends will be crying and I'm like, what the hell is wrong with you? If you don't suck it up and grow some BALLS! Like ASAP! I'm a female but I don't cry much. I don't believe being a female is an excuse to be a weak ass crybaby! Maybe if you are a child, but I'm a woman. I ain't got time for that. Crying is for people who can't come up with solutions and who don't have faith that God will work out their situation. When is the last time bawling your eyes out changed your situation? It's stressful, it's painful, it makes you choke and gag, it makes your eyes puffy and your face all red... I am far too fine for all that bs! There are two things that have the power to make me cry: School and my son. That's it. I can't remember the last time I really, really cried... probably back in January or February when I thought my life was falling apart because my boyfriend broke up with me. Doesn't that sound ridiculous? I'm definitely not that girl anymore. That relationship was a learning experience and life as a single woman is an even more interesting one. Things just don't affect me the same way anymore. I can't quite put my finger on the reason why... but I love that about myself. Shit happens... sometimes life sucks... oh well! We all have to deal with it. If you're not gonna figure out a plan to get you out of the mess you're in, then there's no point in complaining.

Anyways... I'm hungry now. I'm still mad but I feel better... I might go eat and take a nap. That's what I do instead of crying, lmao.