HIM (11:28:57 PM): is it really a good chance u comin home 2morrow
ME (11:29:59 PM): i'll know tomorrow
ME (11:30:09 PM): i don't wanna get my hopes up since the doc didn't come in today
HIM (11:30:38 PM): yea
HIM (11:30:40 PM): thats tru
ME (11:31:38 PM): it would be nice
ME (11:31:53 PM): would u come get me
HIM (11:32:01 PM): yea
HIM (11:33:18 PM): y wouldn't i
ME (11:33:50 PM): i just didn't know if u would be able to that's all
ME (11:33:55 PM): i'm tired
HIM (11:34:59 PM): get u some rest baby
ME (11:35:50 PM): i don't want to
ME (11:35:52 PM): i miss you
HIM (11:37:39 PM): i miss u too mami
HIM (11:37:41 PM): i do
ME (11:38:48 PM): i hope u feel better... u gonna take some more medicine?
HIM (11:40:16 PM): im bout to take one last one
ME (11:41:47 PM): ok
ME (11:43:21 PM): i love u... i wish we could be together
ME (11:43:29 PM): i feel like ur far away lol
HIM (11:45:18 PM): its always good when we togethre at nite
ME (11:46:32 PM): i know
ME (11:46:37 PM): i miss that a lot
ME (11:46:52 PM): more than i thought i would
HIM (11:47:03 PM): y
ME (11:47:46 PM): i dunno... nothing really compares to falling asleep in ur arms
ME (11:47:57 PM): and waking up the same way
HIM (11:48:51 PM): yes.... i love it
ME (11:50:26 PM): 
ME (11:51:13 PM): i keep thinkin bout the day when we don't have to leave each other and i can be in ur arms every night
HIM (11:52:40 PM): that day is comin
HIM (11:52:46 PM): i feel good about this move
HIM (11:52:51 PM): that penson did
HIM (11:52:57 PM): ron is a great recruiter
ME (11:53:10 PM): yeah
ME (11:55:19 PM): did u talk to carrie?
HIM (11:55:33 PM): no
ME (11:55:51 PM): she didn't answer?
HIM (11:55:53 PM): no
ME (11:56:01 PM): darn
ME (11:56:19 PM): well i'll give u this other girl's number after i talk to her tomorrow and try to set something up
HIM (11:56:36 PM): GUESS WHAT
HIM (11:56:42 PM): WE GOTTA DATE TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!
ME (11:56:49 PM): with who
ME (11:56:52 PM): where we goin
HIM (11:56:57 PM): NO WHERE
HIM (11:57:01 PM): I SHOW U WHEN I GET THERE
ME (11:57:10 PM): no tell me now!
ME (11:57:14 PM): u might still be sick tomorrow!
ME (11:57:17 PM): i wanna know right now
HIM (11:57:21 PM): i'll be there
ME (11:57:38 PM): give me a hint
ME (12:01:04 AM): now!
HIM (12:04:30 AM): kanye song
HIM (12:04:41 AM): flashin lights
ME (12:04:51 AM): U KNOW I DON'T GET IT
ME (12:04:55 AM): !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HIM (12:05:14 AM): well thats it
ME (12:05:22 AM):
HIM (12:06:05 AM): dorry
HIM (12:06:18 AM): sorry
ME (12:07:07 AM): i got ur sorry my friends
ME (12:07:11 AM): friend i mean
HIM (12:09:02 AM): lol
HIM (12:09:05 AM): ok
ME (12:09:45 AM): u sleepy
HIM (12:09:57 AM): yea a likl
HIM (12:09:59 AM): lil
ME (12:11:33 AM): what time u gettin up tomorrow
HIM (12:12:04 AM): 10 30
ME (12:12:20 AM): u got somethin to do?
HIM (12:13:28 AM): well... ron said that from 12-2 prospect and get 10 names and numb
ME (12:13:39 AM): u guys goin together
HIM (12:14:33 AM): not sure
HIM (12:14:37 AM): gotta ask him
HIM (12:15:02 AM): thn he said that we goin ova prospecting tomorro
HIM (12:15:05 AM): afta teh meeting
HIM (12:15:14 AM): so i think that may b tuesday/.. the 12-2 thing
ME (12:15:22 AM): oh ok
ME (12:18:59 AM): i think i need to go sit on the toilet
HIM (12:20:53 AM): muddy booty
ME (12:21:43 AM): i think so!
ME (12:21:47 AM): but i hope not
ME (12:24:10 AM): man i have a problem
HIM (12:25:26 AM): what is it
ME (12:26:30 AM): well i've been dating this guy for a while right... not a real long time, but a decent lil while
ME (12:27:40 AM): and every day i fall in love with him more but i'm scared to tell him
ME (12:27:45 AM): what u think i should do
HIM (12:27:51 AM): y u scared
ME (12:28:47 AM): i'm not used to being all soft and vulnerable and stuff... but i really want him to know how much i love him
HIM (12:31:00 AM): u wanna marry him
ME (12:32:10 AM): yes i do
ME (12:32:21 AM): and have his lil bighead rugrat babies
HIM (12:32:41 AM): how do u think he feels bout u
ME (12:33:29 AM): well i think he feels almost as strongly about me as i do about him... i know he really loves me & wants to marry me too
HIM (12:35:31 AM): so y can't u show him then if u wanna marry him and have his babies and he loves u two
HIM (12:35:59 AM): too
ME (12:36:57 AM): i guess it's just hard... i haven't opened up to anyone like that in a really long time
ME (12:37:05 AM): makes me nervous!
HIM (12:39:36 AM): well if u guys are spendind lives together
HIM (12:40:43 AM): don't u think he needs to see what he is geting
ME (12:41:49 AM): yes
HIM (12:42:05 AM): well u gotta go for it
ME (12:42:32 AM): i'm worried it might scare him away
HIM (12:42:42 AM): y
HIM (12:42:52 AM): if he wants to marry u
ME (12:43:16 AM): i just don't want to come on too strong
HIM (12:47:32 AM): how can u
ME (12:52:58 AM): hmm... i really don't know
HIM (12:54:32 AM): hmm
ME (12:56:04 AM): lol
ME (12:56:07 AM): i guess i can't
ME (12:58:10 AM): well thank u for helping me
HIM (12:58:12 AM): i c
ME (12:58:21 AM): i think i know what i should do now
HIM (12:58:47 AM): that is
ME (12:59:09 AM): tell my baby that i love him!
HIM (1:00:58 AM): good move
ME (1:02:26 AM): guess what
HIM (1:06:04 AM): que
ME (1:06:54 AM): te amo muchoooooooooooooooooo
ME (1:07:05 AM): oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
HIM (1:07:25 AM): love u 2
HIM (1:07:40 AM): THHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS MMMMMUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HIM (1:07:44 AM):
ME (1:08:47 AM): lol
ME (1:08:50 AM):
ME (1:08:58 AM): i take it u enjoyed my conversation
HIM (1:09:20 AM): yea
HIM (1:09:23 AM): interestining
ME (1:09:50 AM): how so
HIM (1:12:28 AM): cuz its nice to kno how u feel
ME (1:13:00 AM): it felt good to tell u
ME (1:13:39 AM): it was nice that u didn't freak out
HIM (1:13:50 AM): y would i
ME (1:14:13 AM): i didn't really think u would
ME (1:14:41 AM): i feel so much better now!
HIM (1:15:07 AM): y was it so hard
ME (1:16:13 AM): well... i don't know exactly
ME (1:16:27 AM): i just always felt like i couldn't do it... it was a real challenge
HIM (1:16:40 AM): y
ME (1:16:45 AM): but i told myself i was gonna do it today no matter what
ME (1:17:01 AM): expressing my deepest feelings is just scary
HIM (1:20:14 AM): well we can get thru it together
ME (1:21:11 AM): it's not scary to u?
HIM (1:21:41 AM): we can't b scared
ME (1:22:45 AM): well
ME (1:23:05 AM): i think it's only fair that u share some of ur deepest feelings then
ME (1:29:44 AM):
ME (1:31:51 AM): are u sleep!
HIM (1:31:58 AM): sorry
ME (1:32:10 AM): oh
HIM (1:32:16 AM): well
ME (1:32:18 AM): i thought u passed out like u usually do
HIM (1:32:19 AM): i got one for u
ME (1:32:27 AM): ok i'm ready
HIM (1:34:15 AM): u been here
HIM (1:34:36 AM): thru it all
HIM (1:34:37 AM): even tho i ain't got nothin
HIM (1:34:54 AM): i am so in love with u
HIM (1:35:00 AM): n e one who gives me that much
HIM (1:35:07 AM): i wanna give u the worlf
HIM (1:35:09 AM): world
HIM (1:35:17 AM): on a a platinum platter
ME (1:36:35 AM): awww
ME (1:36:41 AM): i'm blushing!!
ME (1:38:54 AM): u don't ever worry that i'm gonna leave, do u?
HIM (1:39:02 AM): no
ME (1:39:40 AM): good
HIM (1:40:10 AM): u believe me
HIM (1:40:12 AM): i love u for that
ME (1:40:44 AM): of course i do
ME (1:40:51 AM): ur amazingly wonderful!
HIM (1:45:06 AM): thanx for feeling that way
HIM (1:46:31 AM): how u feelin
ME (1:46:45 AM): i feel okay
ME (1:46:51 AM): sleepy
ME (1:47:12 AM): missing the most wonderful man ever
ME (1:51:45 AM): what about u
HIM (1:52:12 AM): same way
HIM (1:59:02 AM): my neck hurts
ME (2:00:34 AM): u wanna go to bed?
And I also found this, from Nov 10, 07.
Hey baby... I kno u not there... Im thinkin bout u. I want u to kno that Im prayin for u. My lil mama gotta get better and back on her feet. I got somethin for u when we get back togethe... i kno u wanna kno what it is... due to the circumstances i will tell u. Me and u are gonna cuddle.... ima hold that soft body of urs o so tight... we can sleep and dream together... i want to rub ur body where u say it hurts... i'll b there to comfort u baby... i kno its tuff but we can get thru... with God's good grace and mercy. U kno somethin... i h8 it when u hurt... i feel some of it... cuz i worry bout u... like 2day... b4 u called me and told whas up at the hospital.. i was so worried.. all i could do is say.. i wish she hurry and call.... im not mad.. just worried. my hottmama gon b ok. theres a big kiss waitin on u pretty lady. i want u to come home to get it. ur pretty face is missed. i hope this makes u smile. can't wait to my sexi mam... get better.. c ya soon
I know I shouldn't dwell on this stuff. But how did we go from that, to hating each other? To be honest, it just makes me want to cry. But I'm done crying. I'll allow myself to be sad about how all this happened, but I refuse to cry. It's moments like this that I want my friends to see. They don't understand that I had a legitimate reason to try to get back with him.
Anyways... all that is over with now. I have to stop letting myself go backwards. I believe there was a reason that God brought this conversation to my attention, but I have no idea what that reason may be. In the midst of tears welling up in my eyes, there were parts that made me laugh or smile. I miss those days so much. This is hard for me but I'm hoping that it will get easier.
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