There's A First Time for Everything

And today is the first time in a long time that I have actually felt lonely. I almost forgot what this feels like. I am fully capable of being by myself without feeling sad or alone. But for some reason, it's different today. I am at home with my pooh and for some reason I wish I had someone to chill with. Like just to watch a movie or something. I know I'm not ready for a boyfriend though. HELL NO. I'm not trusting anybody with my heart for a long time. And I'm not about to be a good girlfriend to anyone either, I already know I wouldn't.

Part of me is hurting really bad today. Do you know that bastard had the nerve to tell me he wished he never met me? ME. Bitch, I'm the one that gave you the son you adore. You wish you never met me? Well how about I take you to court and take your son from you. Then you can pretend you never met me for real. That pissed me off. ME! He said that to ME. The only one who stuck by him when his family made fun of his dreams. The one who was there when his dad almost died. Not only was I there, but I stood outside in freezing cold weather for an HOUR waiting for the bus so I could go make sure he was okay. You know what, I don't even want to get into everything that I did for him. And he told me to go do something with MY LIFE. ...EXCUSE ME?

MR. I DON'T HAVE A JOB, NOR AM I IN SCHOOL, AND I STILL LIVE UP UNDER MY MAMA!

I am going to make him eat those fucking words. Believe that. Thanks for the motivation.

Everyone keeps saying kill him with kindness. Well, I've been trying that and I have been doing a good job. But I'm reaching my breaking point and I just want to kill him period! UGH!

Anyways. My blood pressure is getting high now, I need to relax. A lot of guys have been trying to talk to me lately. Ugh, I hate this. I can't stand to have boys all over me. I am a relationship person. If I'm with somebody, I'm with them... I don't talk to multiple boys at a time. At least not anymore, lol. I have met some nice guys but I'm not settling for nice anymore. I want a man. I have a picture in my head of what I want. And until I find him, I'm staying single.